


if you're in love, then you are the lucky ones

by BitchKuroo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Miya Atsumu-centric, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sakusa Kiyoomi is Bad at Feelings, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, except it's four
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitchKuroo/pseuds/BitchKuroo
Summary: It's Osamu's fault he turned out the way he did. At least, that's the story he sticks to every time someone asks him why he's the way he is.While Atsumu hasn't been always been an asshole, he has always been unlucky in love.ORA 4+1 story detailing four of Atsumu's crushing failures in love, and the one time he won.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Atsumu/Suna Rintarou, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 14
Kudos: 469





	1. Chapter 1

Atsumu wasn't always an asshole. He wants to preface this whole thing with that statement.

Being an asshole comes with being related to Osamu, he thinks. No one would have made it through a childhood with him without coming out of the other side armed with a sarcastic streak a mile wide.

So really, it's Osamu's fault he turned out the way he did. At least, that's the story he sticks to every time someone asks him why he's the way he is.

While Atsumu hasn't been always been an asshole, he has always been unlucky in love.

**1.**

Atsumu is ashamed to say that his first crush didn't happen until he was in his first year of high school. Girls had never managed to hold his interest and at the time, he hadn't thought anything special in the way he sometimes found himself daydreaming about faceless boys and what it would be like to hold hands with a boy, whether or not their lips would be as soft as his classmates claimed girls were.

His first actual crush happened at the start of the year, on someone on the volleyball team.

Suna Rintarou was disinterested, unemotional and quiet, three things which made him Atsumu's complete opposite. Suna was intelligent and quick witted, and he kept up with Atsumu's teasing better than most. Not to mention, he was one of the only people who could consistently tell him and Osamu apart before Atsumu dyed his hair.

Another thing Suna was, was unavailable.

Atsumu liked to think he was pretty observant. It comes with being a setter. It helped when it came to volleyball, it allowed him to figure out what a team would do before they did it and adjust his set accordingly. However, it wasn't that helpful when applied to his real life, and more importantly, his love life. His observational skills let him know that he didn't stand a chance with Suna because he wasn't Osamu. Apparently the reason Suna could tell them apart so easily is because Suna was in love with his brother, not Atsumu.

Atsumu was glad he'd never mentioned crushes to his brother, because although Osamu was insufferable, he didn't want him to feel guilty for liking Suna back because of Atsumu's stupid crush.

So, for once in his life, Atsumu stayed silent.

There'd always be another crush for Atsumu but, with the way they looked at each other, he wasn't sure there'd ever be anyone else for Suna or Osamu.

**2.**

A year later, and Atsumu finds himself in a similar situation.

Kita Shinsuke had been made captain as Atsumu entered his second year of high school, and Atsumu really wished he'd stop developing crushes on people who seemed so separated from everything.

In hindsight, Kita was scarily similar to Suna, which definitely should've warned him of the outcome of this whole thing.

Kita had been the first one to compliment his hair when he started dying it. The first time was a mistake. He'd been going for platinum, and had somehow ended up with mustard. Atsumu had almost been too embarrassed to go to school the next day, but he'd plucked up the courage anyway. Kita had seen it as soon as he arrived for morning practice, and had mentioned something about thinking the colour suited him. Atsumu had been too far gone on Suna at this point to really appreciate what Kita had said at the time, but now? Atsumu was carrying a torch for the smaller man and found himself thinking of that moment every time he had to touch up his roots.

That's why Atsumu decided that he wouldn't miss his chance this time.

He picked his moment, which was Kita's graduation day in case things didn't quite work out how he wanted.

Which is exactly what happened.

Kita had been kind enough about it, but that hadn't stopped the gut-wrenching pain in Atsumu's chest at the gentle words. Kita had come up with a multitude of excuses ranging from ' _we're better as friends'_ to ' _I'm really not looking for a relationship right now_ ' but all Atsumu could hear was the words ' _you're not good enough_ ' repeated over and over in his head.

Atsumu can't say he'd experienced a panic attack before this very moment, and maybe what he was feeling wasn't even that, but it felt close enough to the descriptions he'd read of them to qualify.

He'd left quickly, not wanting Kita to feel guilty.

Maybe Atsumu just wasn't meant to be loved?

**3.**

The third time, everything had been going amazingly well.

The key word of that sentence is had.

Atsumu hadn't paid much attention to Hinata Shoyou the first time they met, figuring that without Tobio, he wasn't someone worth wasting his energy thinking about. He isn't afraid to admit that he forgot about him pretty soon after their match.

It wasn't until he was signed onto the Black Jackals that Atsumu actually noticed him.

After that, Atsumu was done for.

Hinata had something about him that made you want to fall in love with him. He was so different from Atsumu's previous crushes that he was a little bit blind-sided by his feelings for him. Hinata was so warm and happy that it should be illegal. The two years he'd spent in Brazil only added to his appeal, and Atsumu found himself falling for him all over again whenever he learnt something new about Hinata.

Atsumu knew that he wasn't as subtle as he hoped he'd been about his feelings for the other, but it still took him by surprise when Hinata asked him out for drinks – just the two of them.

This was the furthest Atsumu had ever gotten with someone he had genuine feelings for, and he had no idea how to act. He'd gone on a few casual dates in college, but nothing had come from any of them except some decent sex. Atsumu didn't want decent sex from Hinata, he wanted a relationship and love and the other sappy shit in those shoujo manga's that he definitely doesn't read.

By some miracle, he survived the date.

One date became two, which became six, and soon Atsumu stopped keeping track.

He couldn't believe his luck, and that blinded him to the hesitance Hinata sometimes showed before saying his name, or the way he sometimes seemed confused to see Atsumu next to him when he woke up, as if he was expecting to see someone else in his place.

Atsumu could ignore that.

What he couldn't ignore, however, was the way Hinata snuggled into his side one day after practice, clearly exhausted, and called him Tobio.

Hinata had realised what he'd said almost immediately and apologised, but the damage had been done, and Atsumu could hear his own heart shattering as everything fell into place.

Hinata may have had Atsumu's heart, but he'd never had Hinata's.

Really, Atsumu should be used to this by now. How many times will he have to break his heart for it to realise what Atsumu's brain has been saying all along?

Atsumu wasn't built to be loved, and that was blatantly clear.

**4.**

Atsumu's heart obviously wanted a final huzzah before being imprisoned in a fortress strong enough that no more pesky feelings would be able to affect it.

Why it chose Sakusa Kiyoomi as its target, he'll never know.

There wasn't anyone in the world less likely to return his feelings. Everyone and their mother could see how desperately in love with Ushijima he was, and even if he wasn't, Atsumu would still be his last choice.

Atsumu was everything he despised in the world. He was loud and affectionate, and he made a habit of pushing people's boundaries to get under their skin. Sakusa would have to have an entire personality switch to ever look at Atsumu the way Atsumu had started catching himself looking at him.

Atsumu thought it was a pretty fitting last love for him. Every other one had allowed Atsumu space to get his hopes up, only to crush them when they worked out he wasn't enough. He didn't have that worry with Sakusa, because he had no hope in the first place.

A hopeless crush for a hopeless person.

Atsumu really hated his heart sometimes.


	2. Chapter 2

**+1**

Sakusa hated to admit it, but he did actually have feelings.

Feelings were inconvenient, and messy, and they normally lead to Sakusa being hurt.

So, while Sakusa hated the very thought of them, feelings were a burden that he had to carry the same as everyone else.

That didn't mean he had to do it willingly.

For example, he would never willingly fall for Miya Atsumu, which means that his feelings were obviously very real and very scary because he wouldn't wish that man on anyone, let alone himself. Sakusa had been fine when his heart picked Ushijima as the subject of its desires, happy even. Ushijima was strong, quiet and respectful. Atsumu was none of those things, so why on earth had he been the only person capable of dragging his attention away from Ushijima?

* * *

Sakusa was the only one looking at Atsumu, so he was the only one who noticed the other slipping away after the match against the Adlers. He'd stayed for the after match interview because it was mandatory, but as soon as he was no longer required, he'd disappeared.

It was odd for Atsumu to skip out on a chance to socialise, especially if that socialising allowed him the chance to antagonise Kageyama.

Sakusa wanted to follow him. He longed to have a chance to see the real Atsumu, the one hiding behind the obnoxious persona he wore as a defence. But they weren't close, it wasn't his place to intrude, and if Atsumu was anything like Sakusa when it came to unwanted emotions, his presence would be unappreciated anyway.

Sakusa made a vow to himself in that moment that he'd never admit, even under the threat of death.

He was going to make himself into someone Atsumu could trust with his feelings, because as far as he knew, the only person like that in Atsumu's life was his brother and he deserved more.

* * *

Over the next few months, Sakusa kept his vow.

His feelings hadn't lessened. If anything, they were stronger now than they'd ever been before.

Time with Atsumu was pleasant. He didn't feel the need to fill the silence with mindless chatter, and he respected Sakusa's dislike of touch. He made sure Sakusa felt comfortable and never pushed him to explain why he hated germs the way he did. Sakusa was allowed to simply exist in these moments with Atsumu, and he found himself craving them more and more after each visit.

He'd memorised each of Atsumu's little quirks, like the way everything had to be done an even amount of times before he could rest easily, or how he pressed each of his fingernails when he got anxious, or the happy sways he did after a particularly good set before he could stop himself. Sakusa could recognise it as stimming after all this time, and Sakusa found it adorable most of the time.

In short, Sakusa had managed to fall deeply and desperately in love with Atsumu and he knew there was no way out now.

* * *

After a while, Atsumu opened up about his insecurities.

He'd called Sakusa when he was feeling low one night, and confessed everything about his 'inability to be loved'. Apparently he couldn't talk to Osamu about it, because his twin was still in the dark about Atsumu's old crush on Suna. Which meant Sakusa had been his only option, and Sakusa's heart broke at the idea of Atsumu believing he was unlovable. That had been the final straw for Sakusa, and he'd found himself catching the train to Atsumu's apartment at midnight in December, all because he couldn't handle the thought of Atsumu alone, thinking that nobody loved him when Sakusa loved him so much and for so long.

Atsumu had been confused when he opened the door, clearly not expecting Sakusa to show up in the middle of the night to comfort him.

And, because he wasn't expecting the visit, he definitely wasn't expecting the kiss.

It was soft and sweet and so good. Sakusa cupped his face like he was something worth cherishing, and his lips were firm and warm. Atsumu froze, whether because his was exhaustion making the whole situation hard to process, or because he couldn't wrap his head around Sakusa touching him without gloves or a mask on when he didn't know when he'd last showered.

Sakusa was about to pull away, apologise, and get the hell out before he could screw this friendship up with his messy feelings, but then Atsumu sank into it, an arm coming up to wrap around Sakusa's back as if making sure he was real.

Sakusa didn't know if it was obvious that this was his first kiss, but Atsumu seemed to be enjoying it all the same.

They parted when Sakusa started to feel his skin crawl, and his consciousness creep back in, making him fell itchy and anxious. Atsumu understood, and didn't seem to resent him for it. He even made sure that he had fresh clothes that Sakusa could change into after his impromptu shower.

Not for the first time, Sakusa was grateful that Atsumu accepted him, and knew that his behaviour had nothing to do with Atsumu, but was a result of his stupid brain.

That night, Sakusa made another vow to himself.

He was going to show Atsumu he was worthy of love if it killed him.

He was going to prove to him that he was made to be loved.

Little did he know. It was going to be a lot easier than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Sakusa mentions seeing Atsumu stim. That is because I personally headcanon Atsumu as autistic as I am autistic, and I heavily relate to his character.


End file.
